Wednesday, October 27, 2010

God and His plans..

What are His plan's? Do we know? He has that paticular plan and we can't always see it. I guess if we did we wouldnt have to trust He is in control of that plan, now would we? It's hard to write this, because this is a really big struggle for me to trust in what God has for me sometimes. But, I think that happends to all of us really.

I had a interesting end to my summer, finding out my ovarian cyst came back and this time way bigger. They said the ultra sound showed it being a catelope sized cyst. During my pregnancy when they did the surgery they couldnt remove the entire thing, so they had to do the best to remove some of it so it wouldnt grow back and drain it. Though it ended up coming back anyway. I was having lots of pressure and still feeling pregnant after having Owen, and various other issues. So I had to get it checked out. My surgery was scheduled for the end of August. They said it could be 2 1/2- 3 hours this time to have it taken care of.

I was so not looking fwd to my second c-section type surgery and also this being my third surgery in less then a year & second c section in less then a year time. So my body might take longer to heal, so I was concerned with a toddler running around, much heavier then my c-section after I had him.

I got to surgery that morning and it was scheduld for 12 pm, but of course had to be there plenty early to get in a gown and freeze! BRRRRR.. hospital's are way to cold! Thank goodness for heated blankets :) The cyst ended up bring way bigger then they expected. They drained 2 liters of fluid from it. They said it was a very tough surgery!

I was about ready to go into surgery, and mike and his mom would have to leave. I was so nervous, more nervous then when I was pregnant about to go into surgery, which was odd i'm sure. But I knew what to exspect and the pain afterwards and it was just to much that I knew. I got rolled into the room, which of course is much colder. They gave me something to relax me before that in my iv, it was weird, I saw my dr then I just remember waking up in the first recovery room. Then they were rolling me into second recovery where mike and my mother in law donna were waiting for me. They had been there so long waiting for me. 10 am until 5 pm. Recovery took along while. My mother in law was saying she was a pro at scrabble on mikes i pad computer. She sat there with him for so long as Bryan braved being a grandfather alone with Owen!!! As soon as I got there and Donna gave me a hug and she left to go relieve Bryan of his grandfatherly duties! Mike was there with me. I was so zoned and so high on morphine.

After surgery they thought id be able to go home, but since they had to do a more intense kind of surgery I had to stay a couple days, they thought until sunday. But, my pain was so bad, and I was having a low blood count everytime they took my blood and was anemic. I didnt like the way the morphine made my mouth so dry and all you could have was ice.

I couldnt sleep in the hospital very well. I had a neighbor, her name was debra, she had a surgery not as intensive as mine, but similar. We would talk across the room every once and awhile, one part of the day she'd be doing better and i'd be misrable or the other way around. It changed often. I'd be like "hey debra, how ya feelin?" she'd be like, ehhh horrible.. then a few hours later she'd be like "sarah how ya doing?" im like, eh awful, give me drugs!" it was rather facinating our conversations. But she was a sweet lady.

They tried to get me up and have me walk the halls slowly but it was so painful, but it was needed and important, and I was doing it often enough I thought. A new nurse came in sunday before I went to sleep, and she didnt really warn me, she's like i've got a injection ive got to give you to prevent blood clotting. I thought, maybe in my IV? Or..perhaps arm or something. No, let's inject me in my sore stomach. It was like a injection of FIRE..I didnt even expect myself to cry so loud, I probably woke up the entire hallway. That was the worst thing EVER!!!!! I wouldnt let them give it to me then next day. I guess some people have different reactions to that ..and mine was the worst. Holy moly!

Finally, sunday came around, still couldnt go home but monday they said I probably could if in the morning things looked good. I left monday afternoon around 2. I was so happy to go home, but that meant less drugs and more pain. I battled for a couple weeks. I had help from my younger sister and friend and family. I couldnt do much. I couldnt pick owen up, or drive. But it took a good month to feel myself again.

During this time it seemed like why me again? I still battle with my shoulder/ neck pain and headachs and migrains and I dont understand. God have a plan in all this? I know He does, but sometimes it's so hard to see that or feel that He does.

God needs us to trust Him, and i'm working on fully giving myself over to Him. God has a PLAN!
Thank's for reading... Have a blessed day!